Find the best quotes by Jasper Carrott.
There’s a rumour going ’round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take…
My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That’s provided he hadn’t died of a heart…
I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I’m not obsessive; I don’t play in the dark, but even that’s not…
The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests.
The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion.
I’ve played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit.
I’ve always been sensible with my money. I can’t say I’m a business genius.
I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line.
I was never the class clown, and I’ve no idea where the comedy came from.
I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.
There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.
Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.
When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now…
I used to be a columnist for ‘Golf Monthly’ and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in…
I should be more vocal about the things I believe are doing us harm, but many years ago in my early twenties, I learned a…
I just felt that ‘Golden Balls’ was the right thing to do. I didn’t care if people thought I was a failure.
I am amazed at radio DJ’s today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to…
I have that working class fear of having nothing. I’ve always got one eye on what’s in the bank.
Laughter is the best medicine – unless you’re diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being…
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