Find the best quotes by Johnny Carson.
I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
We’re more effective than birth control pills.
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important…
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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