Find the best quotes by Les Dawson.
Slumps don’t bother me.
Marriage is an institution and that’s where a couple finish up.
Despite the fact that feminists say they’re not getting a fair deal, women are still very powerful.
I’ve just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law’s funeral. And she’s cancelled it.
I know my name will always be linked with women.
I’d like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I’d like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
You do something you’re really quite proud of, and the public doesn’t like it. Then you do something that perhaps you’re not at all happy…
When we were courting, I told my wife: ‘I could live in your eyes.’ She said: ‘You’d be at home; there’s a stye in one…
When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn’t take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light.
My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts – but we can’t get a word out of him.
I don’t mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.
With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
The wife’s run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.
Take my wife… please. I’m not saying she’s ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a…
My wife sent her photograph to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back, said they weren’t that lonely.
I’m not saying my mother didn’t like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
I went to the doctor last week. I said: ‘Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?’ He said: ‘Why?’ I said: ‘She’s woke…
I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel’s ‘Pavane pour une infante defunte’ but I couldn’t remember if it’s a tune or Latin prescription for…
I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I’m rudderless.
I’m the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red…
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