Find the best quotes by David Letterman.
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I’m telling you this guy has more positions than Paris…
The weather here is gorgeous. It’s mild and feels like it’s in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and…
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He’s dead, then he’s alive, then dead, then alive. It’s just confusing. Today…
No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it’s live. You know, it’s like…
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know…
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can’t pronounce Schwarzenegger.
New York now leads the world’s great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move.
President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the…
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
It’s official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that’s what everybody thinks he said.
Iraq’s elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they’re changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
I know these jokes aren’t great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you’re between impeachments.
Here’s a little known fact – Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
For the love of God, folks, don’t try this at home.
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don’t know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things…
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
I’m just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they’ll probably go with a different body.
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