Find the best quotes by Henny Youngman.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.
Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I…
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
She’s a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
I know a man who doesn’t pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it,…
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.
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